So that Jealousy thing came back with a vengeance last night when Teach told me her Ex was sleeping over again. This in itself isn't a big deal they'd spent the night together having dinner and such and I guess it was just a good day for them so she wanted to test the waters. This is not a big deal at all and pretty standard I guess but it doesn't help with this feeling in my stomach that's just I don't even know how to describe it. It seems to rotate between wanting to break down and cry, hit something or jump off a building. I don't really understand what the hell is wrong with me this year. Last year when she left I was sad but nowhere near as emotional I am this year.
So I've come to realize that lately I have been a horrible friend for Teach. She trusts me with her problems and everything to do with her Ex and I've been giving as good advice as I can but sometimes I feel like I'm not sure if I'm giving the advice that's good or the one I think will push her towards ending it. It's like do I think it would be better to move on from him? Hell yes. Is that because I'm Jealous? I wanna say no but honestly I think that's a small part of it which is horrible. I want her to be happy with or without me and I just hate that I can't act like that. I really do try to be a good friend with my advice I want her to make her own decisions and if she decides she still wants him that's fine and I will do my best to live with that. If she chooses to move on and be single a while that's great too. It's just UGH this year I am an emotional wreck with her and have no idea why!
Anyways that's where I stand so far thanks for reading,
-Bonhomme
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