Gone and the Family.

So I'm gonna try and not put words into peoples mouth's anymore as apparently theres more people reading this than I thought and i have been misinterpreting some things.

So anyways the trip I talked about before? The one my best friend is on (and a few aforementioned assholes) left yesterday so you'd think I'd be feeling some relief? or atleast a little bit of closure like I could put it behind me? Nope Ive been feeling like shit all weekend and havent been sleeping. Ive been crying, and feeling angry, bitter, jealous and depressed about all of it.

On a side note happy easter, but of course not for me because that meens family get togethers, which of course meens everyone make fun of Me time. And not just for fun no they target every one of my self esteem areas. Such as my lack of good looks, any real talent, lack of girlfriend, no real friends or social life, lack of athleticism and pretty much anything and everything else. One of my friends has suggested not to worry cause people still care about me I'm not so sure another has suggested it's the way I'm thinking about it, that I think everyones against me but it's not true. Which is I guess a kind of truth. Honestly there is only one place on earth I feel welcome and at home and happy and that's my summer camp. Thank god I got accepted to the 1 month program this year. One month away from my "family" one month of actual happiness. No more getting yelled at for everything I do, no more getting taunted or teased, no more being cast in the shadow of my siblings, no more being ignored by my own Mom for her new favorites. I swear the Dogs get more love and attention than me. Honestly there was a time where I wanted to just run away. I didn't care where but away from here. There's realy only one thing, one person I should say keeping me and she knows it.

I'm honestly beginning to dread family get togethers worse I'm starting to hate my own family. Maybe it's all in my head and there not all against me but I havent seen a single shred of god damn evidence to prove even one of them is on my side. The ironic part? My family makes fun of me for going to movies and playing video games all the time. I play games to escape the shit life I live, in games I can be anyone I want I can have a relationship and be happy and have no fear of rejection or loss. In movies I escape to a whole new world and live and breath with the characters. Sure maybe I watch alot and play alot but it's not only for fun its so I don't go absolutely insane and put myself back on that cliff.

So anyways theres a bucket load for you. And to the friends who tried to help thanks.

~Bonhomme