Long Time no talk / She builds me up and tears me down

SO! Obviously I haven't been posting at all for a very long time and I think the reasons have been pretty simple, for starters I sort of forgot I had this blog and so yeah there's one reason, the 2nd is I've been very busy this year with finishing up my first year of College, working and such and the 3rd and most important I suppose I haven't felt as much a need (Not to say I don't have my rough patches but regardless). So I guess to start I will recap what's been new recently, uhmm for Starters I started working a new job which I am actually really enjoying mostly because my co-workers are awesome and the time flies bye. I recently finished my first year of College studying Game Development it was both amazingly fun and crazy difficult. Uhmm watching a lot of Anime and such in my downtime not a whole lot new but the big thing I suppose is up until recently I was dating this girl we will call her M for 10 months. Now this was a major relationship for me obviously as it lasted so long but I admit I always felt there was something missing. Until recently I hadn't realized what (or rather Whom) that was. If you remember from a post a while back I mentioned this girl I was madly in love with Named Teach, after a lot of thought and hanging out with her a lot I came to realize I still did love her and that was not likely to ever change. now Teach went away to university this year and met this amazing guy I could never in a million years hope to compete with, Good looking, Charming, Poetic, and clearly had Her love almost right from the start. Now he unfortunately didn't know how to treat myself or Teach's other best friend so she broke it off but not until 8 months had past and unfortunately this guy doesn't give up very easily, promising to try and win her back and so on I chose to ignore it thinking he was just upset over the breakup. So after that we started spending a lot more time together watching movies, hanging out late, marathoning shows and such but the weird thing was we were way closer than normal. Holding hands and her falling asleep on me and such. I felt really happy you know? Like maybe down the road I'd have a real shot at my happiness with her. Hell we even were joking about if we ever got married and how it wouldn't be a bad thing. All the signs were there that maybe she wanted to move farther, she even gave me a little peck on the cheek to wish me goodnight. All was well with the world. That is until her Ex, who doesn't seem to consider himself an ex, promised to change and yadiyada and asked her on a date for dinner when she was back at Uni (He lives about 4hrs away) She didn't actually give him an answer (for the record she still has feelings for him obviously) but they've been talking more and more recently, Although me and her have still been close with the movies and cuddling and I guess I'd just hoped she'd start to get over him. So yesterday we are talking about how we both like were our friendship is right now and all that and we both like doing the "Couple stuff" like holding hands for movies and her falling asleep on me. So I was feeling good and confident now right? Girl of my dreams telling me she likes doing couple stuff with me SCORE. TO which she goes on to say.... You guessed it " I think I might take my Ex up on his Dinner date offer". Just like that my heart breaks into a billion little peaces again and I'm left upset and doing the only thing I can do in this situation. Tell her that it's her choice and I will support her no matter what because I just want her to be happy. And that is entirely true although as selfish as this is I want her to be happy... with me. But that doesn't seem to ever be a fucking option and it's starting to really really tear at me on the inside. Anyways my family seems to think it's because of my recent breakup with M but in reality I'm more upset I'm gonna lose Teach. It's not that she has hurt me because she never does it's more of a fear of losing her and just wishing I could be That Guy. But she doesn't hurt me with any of this. Anyways catchup/what's happening now rant Over! See you next time I'll try to do weekly updates.