So I guess I'll start with some context this week is my Schools play and I'm helping out with tech and such. I guess one thing I noticed is how much fun all the actors and backstage crew have, they're all such good friends and I'm realizing I want that but am not part of their group per say. Sure they're my friends and hopefully I am theirs but I never get to have those memories or moments with them. I mean one thing I'm realizing is I can't even make plans with friends anymore. I understand they're busy but sometimes I get the feeling they just don't want to hangout with me specifically. And going off that brings me back to probably my number one insecurity, no-one realy cares, I think I have maybe 3 actual friends in the entire world. 3.... Not exactly a number I'm likeing considering I know and talk to on a regular basis around 20+. But either way I guess maybe after high school ill find some people who care about me and want to hang. Hopefully I will anyways.
Another thing going on soon is a trip my School has put together to Europe, I applied and was rejected which any other thing wouldn't bother me but It's truly a once in a lifetime oppurtunity and Europe is a place I've been wanting to go for years now. And in reality the only thing I can see that would have prevented me going is my grades. So because I'm not smart enough in the oppinion of the school I get sent away from this trip. Plus I looked at the list of people who were accepted among them were people I know to be bullies, mean people who have bullied me over the years and probably would still if I gave them the chance. And That just annoys me. Because those mean bullies are smarter or get better grades then me they get to go on this awesome trip and get this amazing oppurtunity and I don't. Not to mention of course my mothers words of encouragement when I told her I was applying. "Don't get your hopes up, I doubt they'll accept you with your grades" Thanks mom love you too. Either way that's pretty much this week. Oh and of course it sucks because one of my Best Friends (remember the girl from the first 2 posts?) Is on the trip so i have to pretend to be excited for her. Yay.
Anyways thanks for listening I guess although I think theres only one of you. Bye.
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