So happy new year I guess. Well maybe your new year is Happy. I know this blog is depressing but it's what I'm going through and helps to post. So anyways finished my vacation had an alright time and now I come home with new year and fresh start in my head. But of course that doesn't happen. School starts back up and once again I'm being ignored or made fun or or whatever. Essentialy I have almost no real friends right now. I have maybe one or 2 I trust but that's it.
Basicly the groups I try and talk to or do stuff with ditch me in a heartbeat but theyd never think to ditch one of their own mostly me. And of course its almost valentine season woohoo -_- On a side note me and the before mentioned girl have talked and decided to try to go back to being good friends so I'm trying to move on.
Essentialy this year is'nt going any better hopefully it will get somewhat better but based on past experience I'm not holding my breath.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Thursday, January 5, 2012
One year of hell
So welcome I guess. I've never realy done this before i'm trusting total strangers with my secrets and fears. yay. Mine as well start from the beginning.
So I guess I started feeling sad when me and a girl I loved brokeup it wasnt because of anything bad she just wanted to go back to being friends and I was too stupid to fight for her. Anyways that summer i was quite literally standing at the edge of a cliff and thinking how easy it would be, and hoe better off everyone would be if i just jumped. In reality there was only one thing, person I should say that stopped me. You guessed it the girl. I still loved her. So taking a chance I ask her out again. She says no. So Im officialy stuck. But besides the girl theres about 10 thousand other problems I have.
For one I have maybe 2 friends in the entire world. Who I never get to see or be with. All my other "friends" abandoned me. One girl who completely hates me has made it her goal to alienate me from all my friends and is so far succeding. Whih realy doesn't help my insecurities. One of my biggest is how people think about me which isnt hard to tell. For starters going by looks Im ugly, weak, unintelligent, geeky, a failure and invisible. Another thing is every god damn night is the same thing.Videogameswhere people dont judge me and feeling lonely cause noone loves me. Which puts me in a state of depression that keeps me up.
Oh and heres the real kicker so I have 3 siblings who fucking hate me simply because im youngest and different to them. Our dad died from cancer a few years back they come together and push me apart so even in my own family im the freak. My mom though starts paying more attention to me and caring about me. That is until she gets a boyfriend who has 2 younger kids. Instantly im cast into the shadows of her new favourites. Finally i thought, i'm not the youngest maybe just maybe my siblings will love me. but no instead they choose the boyfriend's kids over me. as of right now Im officially the least loved of my entire family woohoo.
Well that about sums up the year i've had since the summer. Basicly no friends, no real family and only a small hope of one day leaving this town which is slowly fading away. I wonder what kind of hell god's cooked up for the next year.
~Bonhomme
So I guess I started feeling sad when me and a girl I loved brokeup it wasnt because of anything bad she just wanted to go back to being friends and I was too stupid to fight for her. Anyways that summer i was quite literally standing at the edge of a cliff and thinking how easy it would be, and hoe better off everyone would be if i just jumped. In reality there was only one thing, person I should say that stopped me. You guessed it the girl. I still loved her. So taking a chance I ask her out again. She says no. So Im officialy stuck. But besides the girl theres about 10 thousand other problems I have.
For one I have maybe 2 friends in the entire world. Who I never get to see or be with. All my other "friends" abandoned me. One girl who completely hates me has made it her goal to alienate me from all my friends and is so far succeding. Whih realy doesn't help my insecurities. One of my biggest is how people think about me which isnt hard to tell. For starters going by looks Im ugly, weak, unintelligent, geeky, a failure and invisible. Another thing is every god damn night is the same thing.Videogameswhere people dont judge me and feeling lonely cause noone loves me. Which puts me in a state of depression that keeps me up.
Oh and heres the real kicker so I have 3 siblings who fucking hate me simply because im youngest and different to them. Our dad died from cancer a few years back they come together and push me apart so even in my own family im the freak. My mom though starts paying more attention to me and caring about me. That is until she gets a boyfriend who has 2 younger kids. Instantly im cast into the shadows of her new favourites. Finally i thought, i'm not the youngest maybe just maybe my siblings will love me. but no instead they choose the boyfriend's kids over me. as of right now Im officially the least loved of my entire family woohoo.
Well that about sums up the year i've had since the summer. Basicly no friends, no real family and only a small hope of one day leaving this town which is slowly fading away. I wonder what kind of hell god's cooked up for the next year.
~Bonhomme
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)